My MBA dream and the mental fight with my own demons -By Subham Paul from VGSoM IIT Kharagpur

Few memories leave us silent for a while. As I sat down to type this article after a tiring day full of lectures and assignments, I was trapped under a spell so strong that it took about an hour to get back to the present. The spell was cast by the series of events that I had experienced before stepping into my B-School. Although it is said that the MBA experience is one of its kind, few realize that all MBA students have lived a story worth sharing before beginning this new chapter. Here is a journey about my MBA dream.

The MBA dream slowly faded away

I first dreamt of doing an MBA while I was pursuing my engineering degree with no concrete reason. After I joined my first job in 2016, the dream slowly faded away. I fell in love with the work I did and the new way of living which included training, colleagues, great office, great food, and great nightlife. Six months passed by and then I observed some of my friends taking the Common Admission Test (CAT) and expecting stellar results. While I realized that it is not always wrong to take a cue from others to introspect. The dream had not faded away completely.

The office hustle and my preparation 

The year 2017 will always remain special for me. My days started with rushing to office, working hard for a good nine hours, returning home and relaxing for some time and then practicing aptitude problems before sleeping. This ideal routine for a working MBA aspirant, however, lasted only for two months. My inertia of being carefree touched down after a long flight taking me back to my life. Parties and long drives resumed and my preparatory material slowly started tasting dust at a corner in my room.

Bouncing back to my messed up MBA dream

It was around Diwali that my life took a massive U-turn. I found a very good friend. I shared my life stories with her, went for lunches and dinners and eventually fell in love. Strangely enough, I slowly let her take control of my messed up MBA plan. Registering for CAT, waking up early, taking a full-length mock test every day, taking sectional tests after office and spending half of the night on phone calls, I got back to where I was supposed to be.

26th November 2017: The showtime 

With a week to go before the D-Day, it was a risky idea to plan a solo trip. Well, in my case, it was the only viable option. My CAT venue was fixed at Hubli, which was around 400 kilometers away from my erstwhile safe house, Bangalore. The adventure that followed shall forever remain etched in my heart. Exploring an alien town, conversing with strangers, and experimenting with the local food, anybody could have judged me to be a passionate traveler.

On 26th November, I confidently sat for the examination and devised a new strategy for scoring more with an easy question paper. It seemed too perfect for me, and hence I solved problems with an elated state of mind. Two and a half hours later, I was almost in tears. No doubt, I solved many questions, but still had to work on more. Going through the preparation phase, I should have had half the number of unanswered questions at my disposal. But my new strategy had backfired. It was too late to realize my blunder. As I boarded my train that night, I took a look at the deserted railway platform. It seemed as if I was bidding adieu to something I could never get back. I silently waved goodbye to my MBA dream.

Low performance and negativity 

The next three weeks saw a couple of more entrance examinations, where I could not perform well either. Also, my friend failed to motivate me. It didn’t take long for me to resolve to harmful habits either and embracing yet another streak of negativity. To add the cherry on top, the CAT result stretched my episode of sorrow. Although I could not expect something close to a 99 percentile. I was fairly hopeful of scoring better than what I had achieved in my first attempt two years ago. Luckily, I scored 91 percentile.

Back to ground zero

I reconciled with my job life. I smiled and laughed with my colleagues, wrote thousands of lines of code every week and took part in team-building activities. News updates from top B-schools kept popping up. I appeared for some admission processes, knowing that those were not the right places for me. However, one day, a close friend of mine recommended me to apply for the Vinod Gupta School of Management (VGSoM), IIT Kharagpur.

I rejected his idea again, preferring to work instead of believing in my MBA dream. Suddenly, two faces appeared in my mind. First, my newfound love, who could barely stand the sight of me drowning in negativity with every passing day. Second, the face of my father, who always aspired to see me graduating from a great university. Ultimately, I filled the application form for VGSoM and waited for the call.

Bouncing back with a long jump

I was clueless. My friend who advised me to apply for VGSoM was sure about the call. However, a series of miserable interviews left me drained out. Then one fine day, the two faces came in my mind telling me to realize that this was no longer a labyrinth of puzzles and passages. It was a mental battle.

My weapons were the achievements that I had won throughout my life and the knowledge that I had gathered by learning from my mistakes. I started intensive research on VGSoM and slowly started to gain interest in the B-School. The B-School made me feel like I already belonged there. Perhaps this was a reason behind my experience while appearing for VGSoM admissions. My research was accurate to the brim and helped me cross the line.

Living the dream: When I received the offer letter from VGSoM

Whenever I recall the moment of receiving my offer letter from VGSoM, I keep smiling. I spent the last two months gaining knowledge, yet I surprised everyone with the air of positivity around me. My road to MBA, where I rubbed shoulders with some of the smartest minds of the country. They scored incredibly well in CAT and made it clear that losing on one front does not signify that the battle is lost. Ordinary test scores can still lead to extraordinary places if we can find the right neutralizers.

I am not a believer in destiny, but just like in markets, life works at its own pace to solve every problem in your life. As my lady-love bid me farewell at Bangalore airport, I uttered a phrase to her which became the most important principle of my life ever since. I utter the same phrase again and again.

“I’ll be back soon!”

This article was submitted as a part of Become an Author conducted by Dare2Compete.